The first banana cream pies were simple—sliced bananas softened in the oven and topped with whipped cream, as described in 1901's "Woman’s Exchange Cook Book." By 1906, custard made its debut, though initially layered separately from the bananas. Over time, the recipe evolved, blending custard and bananas into the luscious filling we know today. By the 1950s, banana cream pie had cemented its place as an American favorite, even beloved by soldiers. With variations like chocolate or coconut, this dessert continues to delight palates, proving that a classic can always find new ways to shine.

Ingredients

The Filling (The star of the show):

• 4 large egg yolks (don’t even think about wasting the whites; make meringues or something)
• 30 g cornstarch (aka magic thickener)
• 480 ml whole milk (only the real stuff, none of that skim nonsense)
• 120 ml heavy cream (because more cream = more happiness)
• 100 g sugar (yes, the regular kind—you’re already being fancy enough)
• 1 tsp salt (don’t skip this; it’s the secret to balance)
• 1 vanilla pod (paste or powder works too, but fresh is king)
• 30 g unsalted butter (room temperature and smug about it)
• 4 bananas (yellow, slightly firm—you want balance, not mush)

The Crust (Yes, you can cheat with store-bought, but… why?):

• 150 g all-purpose flour
• 150 g cold unsalted butter (as cold as your ex’s heart)
• A pinch of salt
• Water (just enough to bring it together—don’t overdo it)

The Whipped Cream (Fluffy, spiced glory):

• 500 ml heavy cream
• ½ tbsp powdered sugar
• ½ tbsp ground cinnamon

Instructions

The Crust: Start with the Base, Literally

1. Mix flour, salt, and butter. Use your hands or a pastry cutter to smash that butter until the mixture looks like sandy crumbs. Add just enough cold water to form a dough. Don’t overmix—this isn’t bread.
2. Wrap it up and chill for 30 minutes. Or longer, if you need a break.
3. Roll it out, slap it into a pie dish, and poke holes in the bottom with a fork to prevent it from puffing up like your ego after making this pie.
4. Bake at 200°C for 10-15 minutes until lightly golden. Let it cool. It’s like a spa day for your crust.

The Custard: The Creamy Soul of the Pie

1. In a saucepan, heat milk, cream, sugar, salt, and the scraped-out goodness of a vanilla pod. Don’t let it boil—just a warm, cozy simmer for 20 minutes.
2. Whisk egg yolks with cornstarch in a separate bowl. Slowly, carefully, gently—add some hot milk to the yolks while whisking. Then combine everything back in the saucepan.
3. Cook over medium heat until it thickens into a glorious custard. Stir constantly, or you’ll end up with scrambled eggs. Nobody wants that.
4. Stir in the butter until it’s glossy and smooth. Chill it in the fridge for a couple of hours, but no sneaky spoonfuls. Okay, maybe one.

The Bananas: Slice ‘Em, Fry ‘Em, or Both

1. Slice the bananas evenly. You’re aiming for elegance here.
2. Want to get fancy? Fry half the slices in butter for 2-3 minutes per side. The caramelization will blow your mind.

The Whipped Cream: Don’t Skip This

1. Whip the cream with powdered sugar and cinnamon until it forms soft peaks. Use a siphon if you’re feeling extra. If not, whisk it by hand—your arms could use the workout.

Assembly: Time to Create a Masterpiece

1. Spread the chilled custard over your crust like you’re frosting the cake of your dreams.
2. Arrange the banana slices over the custard. Go wild with patterns, or just throw them on there—nobody’s judging.
3. Top it all off with your spiced whipped cream. Go big, pile it high, and make it look like the dessert of the gods.

The Finish: Admire and Devour

Let your pie sit for a few minutes to settle, then cut a slice and revel in the glory. This isn’t just dessert; it’s a work of art. Dust it with some extra cinnamon or chocolate shavings if you’re feeling extra bougie. Eat it with pride—you’ve earned this.

Remember, sharing is optional.

Polish Szarlotka: it's the dessert that unites Poles. Communism?  Very bad. Szarlotka? Oh, so good! But you know what? Let’s make it even better—and way more expensive—because why not? Goodbye apples, hello sweet persimmons! You don't need the gold on top, it's a waste of gold, but it does look good.

Ingredients

Filling:

• 1.5 kg persimmons (ripe and sweet—whatever you call them: hurma, sharon, kaki—get the best!)
• 5 g cinnamon
• 3 cloves (crushed or ground)
• 1 lemon (juice)
• 65 g sugar
• 5 g pure vanilla (paste, powder, or even the expensive fresh one)

Dough:

• 200 g white flour
• 100 g rye flour (trust me, it’s all about that taste)
• 5 g salt
• 60 g sugar
• 250 g cold butter (only the fanciest organic butter for this)
• 1 egg

Optional Garnish:

• Powdered sugar
• Edible 23.5-carat gold leaf (because why stop at just delicious?)

This is how you do it!

The Filling:

1. Start by washing, peeling, and chopping the persimmons into small-medium pieces. Taste it first! You need it soft and sweet; if it's too firm, you'll end up with a weird, bitter situation. Nobody wants that.
2. In a large pot, mix in the persimmons, lemon juice, cinnamon, cloves, sugar, and vanilla. Bring to a simmer over medium heat with the lid on for 40 minutes. Stir occasionally until it’s thick and sweet. If it’s still too liquid, simmer for another 15 minutes without the lid. Let it cool. Smell that? That's luxury.

The Dough:

1. Flour, salt, sugar. Mix it all up.
2. Add cold butter cubes and mix until it looks like, well... sand. Fancy buttery sand.
3. Add the egg and mix again until it forms a dough. Divide into two portions, one slightly bigger. Wrap each and pop them into the freezer for 1 hour. Yes, the freezer! We need that dough cold.

Assembling This Beauty:

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C (356°F). Crumple up some parchment paper and line your baking dish.
2. Take out the larger dough from the freezer, slice it up, and press it into the bottom of the pan until it forms an even layer. Make it smooth; use those muscles.
3. Spread the cooled persimmon filling evenly over the dough. No shortcuts—make it perfect.
4. Grab the other dough from the freezer and grate it over the filling. You want a crumbly, even topping.

Bake It:

1. Into the oven for 50 minutes at 180°C. It should be golden brown and smell absolutely divine.

Make It Shine:

1. Once cooled, cut into squares. It’s Szarlotka, but make it couture.
2. Dust with powdered sugar, and now—the pièce de résistance—edible gold leaf. Carefully apply with tweezers and use a clean brush to flatten it out. Trust me, it’s worth the drama.

Final Step: Eat!

Did you know lasagne (the dish) is like the grammar police of Italian cuisine? Each plate of pasta is called "lasagna." Stack 'em up and bam, you've got lasagne. It’s like pancake vs. pancakes. But who says “I fancy a pancake”? Well, technically, you could say "a pancake," but... I digress. Let’s just dive in, shall we?

Prepare the Pasta Dough:

• 400 grams of durum flour
• 1 egg per 100 grams of flour (four for this maths challenge)

Combine using a stand mixer or your trusty hands. No need to knead (ha!) like you’re training for a dough-wrestling championship. Just ensure it's combined, pop it into a baggie, and leave at room temperature for 2 hours. It’s like magic—osmosis will do its thing, and voila, pliable dough!

Next Up, Filling:

• 2 medium onions
• 2 garlic stems (or 4 garlic cloves, but stems are like the fancy hats of the garlic world – plus, they taste great! Find them at your nearest Asian store)
• 1/2 dl of olive oil (maybe a smidgen more for luck)
• 1/2 dl of lard (trust me, your tastebuds will thank you)
• 2 star anise (no, not for wishing upon)
• 1 tblsp of garlic powder (because why not?)
• 1 tblsp of oregano
• 1 tblsp of basil
• 1000 g of canned crushed tomatoes (that’s a lot of crushing!)
• 250 ml carrot juice (squeeze a carrot or just buy it)
• Pinch of salt

Heat up a large skillet, introduce the oil and lard, then let the onions, garlic stems, and star anise have a 20-minute sauna session on medium heat. In another saucepan, add some olive oil and fry the garlic powder, oregano, and basil like they owe you money. Toss in the tomato paste, give it a good stir, then drown it all in crushed tomatoes. Boil until you’ve got a sauce thick enough to write home about. Don't forget the pinch of salt!

Let’s circle back to the dough, shall we?

Lasagna Plate Time:

• Divide your dough into 6 equal portions and roll them so thin that, well, you can see things you might or might not want to when held up to a light.

Fit them snugly into your oven pan like a cozy pasta blanket.

The meat:

• A generous spoon of lard
• 1000 grams of minced beef (because why skimp?)
• 2 Polish kielbasas (dried and smoked sausages, add a dash of international flair)
• Pinch of salt

Heat lard until it's screaming hot and sear the minced meat. Pro-tip: High heat and a roomy pan, or else you’ll end up boiling the beef—and no one wants that. Dice the sausages, mix them with the beef, and then combine with your onion medley from earlier. And a pinch of salt, you want to salt every part of the dish, not just parts of it. Some call it "layering your salt", but I don't know. Oh, and toss the star anise; its work here is done.

Now, the Bechamel Sauce:

• 100 grams of butter
• 1 dl of flour
• 750 grams of full-fat milk (because life's too short)
• Two teaspoons of black pepper
• A hefty pinch of salt

Melt butter, mix in the flour, add some of the milk and mix it into a paste to prevent lumps, then add the rest of the milk, stir while heating – and bam! Thick, creamy sauce. Salt and pepper then set aside.

Constructing your Masterpiece:

• 250 grams of grated Parmiggiano cheese (Parmigiano Reggiano if you're feeling extra fancy)
• 4 balls of Mozzarella (mine is made from buffalo milk but you do you)

Start with bechamel on the bottom, followed by a lasagna sheet, then some meat mix, a dollop of tomato sauce, a sprinkle of mozzarella, and repeat until you've got a tower of delight. Crown it with bechamel, tomato sauce, mozzarella, and the grated cheese. Drizzle some olive oil, because why not?

Preheat your oven to 200 degrees, bake for 15 minutes. Crank it up to 250 and give it another 10 minutes for that golden suntan.

Rest for 20 minutes, if you can resist. Dive in. Marvel. Enjoy. Maybe share? Or not. We won’t judge. Cheers to the best lasagne you'll ever make!

The dough

• 320 grams of wheat flour, the one milled really finely. Called “tipo 00” in Italian. Or unbleached bread flour in general.
• 6 grams of dry yeast (that’s about 12 grams of fresh yeast)
• 9 grams of salt.
• 250 grams of cold water

1. Dissolve the yeast in cold water. Yes, cold. It will still work, it just needs a bit longer and that will develop a better flavor.
2. Mix in all the rest of the ingredients. Yes, salt too. No, it won’t kill the yeast.
3. Kneed in a stand mixer or by hand, until it all comes together. It should be a really sticky and soft dough so don’t add extra flour.
4. Wet your hands in water, and drag the sides of the dough to its middle. So it becomes kind of a ball on the bottom of the bowl.
5. Cover. And let it proof until it doubles in size.

The Sauce

• 40 ml of extra-virgin olive oil (or, if you want to make this as cheaply as possible, use regular cheap ass oil. It won’t taste as good but good enough)
• 3 cloves of garlic
• 5 grams of dried oregano
• 5 grams of gotucharu red pepper flakes (or a dash of whatever hot pepper you like)
• 1 small onion
• 800 grams of canned whole tomatoes. That’s usually two regular cans.
• 5 grams of garlic powder (because it gives a different kind of garlic flavor that compliments the fresh one)
• 30 grams of sugar
• 15 grams of salt

1. Oil in a large pot and heat on medium
2. Mince the garlic and chop the onion
3. Fry onion and garlic together with chili flakes and garlic powder and oregano. Give it a minute or so.
4. Add canned tomatoes.
5. Sugar and salt.
6. Let it simmer on medium heat until a lot of liquid evaporates and you’re left with about half the amount of sauce, all thick and chunky.

The final steps for pizza

• A deep oven pan, about 25x35 cm in size. Make sure it’s made of metal to get that crust going.
• 300 grams of white cheddar cheese, or anything that reminds you of Wisconsin block cheese. Well, if you’re in the US I guess Wisconsin block cheese is what you’ll have. For the rest of the world, you need to find a cheese that melts and becomes crunchy when melted, and that has a slight acidity to it. Like... a cheap white cheddar.
• Your tomato sauce
• About 30 g of olive oil (or shitty cooking oil, that will do if you want to save money but it doesn’t taste as good)
• About 150 grams of thinly sliced salami. Or “pepperoni” as the Americans would call it (!).

1. Set the oven to 250 C.
2. Oil the inside of the pan all over the bottom and up the sides.
3. Put the dough in the pan and stretch it so it covers the bottom. It will take a while, but eventually you’ll manage.
4. Cover the pan and let the dough proof for 30 minutes. Meanwhile the oven will heat up so that’s perfect. And then...
5. Add slices of salami evenly over the dough.
6. Cut the cheese into dices and place them even over the pizza. Yes, cheese first. All the way to the edges. That’s the thing with Detroit style pizza, it makes the cheese melt down the sides and caramelized and get all crunchy.
7. Spread the sauce on top but not all the way to the edge. Leave the edges with cheese only.
8. Into the oven for about 20 minutes until the cheese is all crusty on the edges, like really really dark brown.
9. Push a spatula along the edges to separate them from the pan.
10. Lift the whole pizza out by using two spatulas. Or one really big one, I guess?
11. Cut into large squares.
12. Eat that crispy and chewy pizza!

Ok, saying it’s “moist like a French vagina” is sexist and uncalled for. Rather, it’s moist like any nationality of vaginal or penile secretion. The crust is all crusty and flaky and nice whereas the filling is liquid. How liquid depends on how much agar agar you add. I’m keeping it very liquid, like those fast-food apple pies that burn your tongue.

The dough

• 6 dl of flour
• 250 g of butter
• 1 teaspoon of salt
• 1 tablespoon of sugar
• 6 tablespoons of ice water (or a little more if needed)

1. Mix salt, sugar and flour in a bowl
2. Dice the butter and mix with the dry mix. Use your fingers and just squeeze it over and over again until the flour mix has a sand like texture. Have you ever made scones? Well, that way.
3. Put some ice cubes in the water to keep it cold. Add a little water at a time, and incorporate it with the flour and butter mix. Why cold? Because you don’t want the butter to melt! When the dough comes together, don’t add any more water. You want a hard ball of dough that you cut into two. So… Two balls of dough!
4. Wrap the dough balls in plastic and put them in the refrigerator for at least an hour

The filing

• 5 kg of peaches
• 1 vanilla pod
• Half a stick of cinnamon
• 3 dl of sugar
• 2 tablespoons of agar agar (you can use gelatine, but it gives a somewhat different texture when it sets, more of a gelatinous thing… derived from the word gelatine… so… yeah)
• Two pinches of salt
• Juice from half a lemon

1. Peel the peaches and cut them into nice chunks.
2. Put them in a sieve over a saucepan and sprinkle with salt and sugar and coat them with it by stirring them around
3. The peaches will release liquid into the saucepan.
4. Now, set the peaches aside
5. As for the liquid in the saucepan, cut the vanilla pod in half and scrape its content out. Put the content as well as the pod halves into the liquid. Add half a cinnamon stick. And the lemon juice.
6. Boil the liquid until about half evaporates.
7. Add agar-agar and make sure it dissolves
8. Remove the cinnamon stick and the vanilla pod, and mix the now reduced liquid with the peaches

The assembly and baking

• Peach filling
• Two cold dough balls
• Milk
• Pine nuts

1. Set oven to 180 degrees C.
2. Roll the dough balls into two somewhat round and thin (about 0,5 cm) pizzas
3. Place on of them in a pie tin. A pro tip here… Roll it up on the rolling pin and roll it out over the pie tin.
4. Use your fingers to push the pie dough down onto the pie tin, up on the edges. Cut of excess dough and use it to fill in any holes you might have created because you suck at handling the dough!
5. Now, some would add weights (e.g. beans) and prebake the bottom half of the pie. I don’t do that because I’m lazy and I don’t really think the bottom is that soggy from not doing it. So I just pour the peach filling in here.

6. For the top layer, I sprinkle some pine nuts on top and push them in by rolling the ruling pin over it. No need to but I like them. Now put the top layer on top, and make sure to seal it nicely.

7. Smear the whole top with fat milk. Why? Because it gives a nice feel to it.

8. Into the oven, and let it bake for about 75 minutes. If it’s too brown before you reach 75 minutes, put some tin foil on top to protect it from direct heat.

9. Take the pie out and let it cool so that the agar agar sets. Remember, it’s still liquid (unless you added more, then you’ll have a firmer texture)

10. Meanwhile, whip some cream. No need to add sugar, just whip it as is. The pie is sweet enough

11. Serve!

You know those days your fat ass is in bed all day like the piece of shit you are? And you want freshly baked muffins but you’re too lazy and/or incompetent to make any? And there’s nobody around you to make them for you because nobody loves you? That’s when mug muffins come into play. They’re made from a simple mugcake base recipe, and you can then add whatever flavor and sweetener you have at hand. Just sugar for a plain sponge cake flavor. Maple syrup and berries for a finer product. It’s so quick and so tasty that you might end up eating several ones in a row, all with their own amazing flavor combinations. And then you’ll get back into bed and keep contemplating about what a fat piece of shit you are.

Ingredients for base

• 3 tbsp of plain flour (the less protein the better, you’re making cake here not bread)
• 3 tbsp of butter (it’s an approximation, better a little too much than too little)
• 1-2 tbsp of sugar (depending on if you plan on adding other sweet ingredients for flavoring)
• 1/4 tbsp of baking powder
• 3 tbsp milk
• Pinch salt

Flavoring variations

• Blueberries + maple syrup
• Banana + Nutella
• Apple + cinnamon + dulce di lecce

Instructions

1. Get a mug
2. Melt the butter in the mug using a microwave oven
3. Add all other ingredients except the final flavoring. Mix until no (few) lumps. It’s very liquid. That’s a good thing in this case.

Now choose your mugcake toppings…

1. Add e.g 1/4th sliced banana and Nutella. Bake in microwave for about 2 minutes (depending on your microwave).
2. Or a handful of blueberries, frozen or not, and bake for 2 minutes in your microwave. Then pour maple syrup on top. Succulent as fuck. Eat.
3. Grate a third of an apple into the batter. Sprinkle some cinnamon in there. A spoonful of dulce di lecce (you can buy ready made or make some by boiling a can of condensed sweetened milk for a long time, or 30 minutes in a pressure cooker but you’re lazy so you won’t make any yourself and we both know it). Microwave for 2 minutes. Eat your mugcake.
4. If you own no sweet flavoring, add half a teaspoon of more sugar into the initial recipe. Experiment with various spices. Cardamom, cinnamon, lemon zest and juice, it all makes a great microwave mug muffin.

youI love a really creamy, perfectly made risotto. I love mushrooms. I love chanterelles. Let’s combine the two without saving on the mushrooms. Imagine making a mushroom risotto on home made chanterelle stock, serving it on a bed of creamy chanterelle sauce, and top it with fried chanterelles? That’s what I’m aiming for here.

The stock

In order to make a risotto, you need a stock. Sure, you can add stuff into your risotto and say it has been flavoured with whatever you added. But it’s the stock that will give the whole risotto a flavour. A beef stock will give you a bet risotto. A fish stock will give you a fish risotto. So let’s make a chanterelle stock.

Ingredients for the homemade mushroom stock

• 1 large carrot
• 1 large parsnip
• 250 grams of chanterelles
• A huge pinch of salt (you can make a saltless stock when using it for soups or other dishes were a lot of salt and salty ingredients will be added, but in this case we want to give the rice flavour, including some saltiness)
• A twig of rosemary
• Some olive oil
• 2 liters of fresh water (if you want to go hardcore high-end cook, you should use distilled water)

Instructions for the homemade mushroom stock

1. Heat up some olive oil in a pressure cooker. You can use a normal cooker, but it will take much longer. Also, pressure cookers keep the flavour better. When you feel the wonderful smell of food in a kitchen, that’s flavour escaping (according to some pretentious cooks, but I guess it’s technically true).
2. Peel the parsnip with a peeling and keep the peel. Then keep on peeling it until you have more peel. More and more until you reach the stem of the parsnip. We’re going to use the peel later. As for the stem, cut it into pieces and put them into the pressure cooker.
3. Cut the carrot, and fry it with the parsnip.
4. Add mushrooms
5. Add rosemary
6. After a quick frying to give it a little color and caramelize some of the sugars, add water and salt.
7. Close the lid and cook under pressure for 1 hour.
8. De-pressurize by just letting it cool. Remove lid and let it cook until 60% of the water is gone.
9. Leave it simmering, you’re going to use the hot stock in your risotto making.

The sauce

• 250 grams of chanterelles
• 1/2 onion
• 2 cloves of garlic
• Parsnip peels (from earlier, see above)
• 50 grams of butter (not margarine, butter! It’s not just here as a fat, it’s here for flavour)
• 200 ml fresh full fat cream
• 100 ml chanterelle stock (that you’ve already made, right?)

1. Finely cut the onion and garlic.
2. Brown the butter in a pan, but be careful so it doesn’t burn. As soon as it stops bubbling, and looks a little brownish, it’s done, lower the heat and add the onion and garlic. And parsnip peel.
3. Add mushrooms.
4. Fry until the parsnip peels are all brown, but careful so they don’t burn. They are full of sugars that are absolutely amazing when caramelized but terrible if burnt. Same goes for garlic by the way.
5. Add the stock and cream.
6. Mix it until smooth. Well, it will be grainy because of the mushroom fibers. You could sieve it to really have a smooth sauce, but I like the rustic consistency of the grainy mushrooms. And the flavour!
7. Black pepper.
8. Taste it. If the salt from the stock is enough, then you’re good. If not, add some more salt.

The mushroom risotto

• 1 dl of olive oil
• 1 onion
• 1 dl of cold white wine
• 3 dl of arborio or carnaroli rice (both great for a creamy risotto)
• 1 liter of boiling hot chanterelle stock
• About 3 dl of freshly grated Parmigiano cheese

1. Heat almost all of the olive oil (save a teaspoon or so) in a large pan
2. Add the rice and let it heat up a lot!
3. Throw in the cold white wine. There will be steam, there will be sound, there will be smell, and that’s great. It is said that the grains of rice crack when quickly cooled like this. I don’t have any evidence of this being true, but let’s not upset the Italians on their methods.
4. Add finely chopped onion and lower the heat to medium.
5. Now add about 1/5 of the stock. It will boil as soon as it touches the rice, because both the stock and the pan is already hot.
6. Mix until all the liquid is gone. Now add another 1/5.
7. Keep on doing this for about 20 minutes until the rice is creamy. It should be chewy, but without a hard core in the rice grains.
8. Add grated cheese and the last of the olive oil.
9. Mix well. This is amazing!

Serve it

1. On a hot plate (heat it in the oven) add some sauce
2. Risotto
3. The fried parsnip and chanterelles
4. Some black pepper and a twig of rosemary on top
5. Enjoy your mushroom risotto!

A carrot cake is basically a pumpkin spiced sponge cake. Americans love carrot cakes, Swedes love carrot cakes, I mean… A succulent carrot cake, what isn’t there to like? This is my take on it. It’s not very advanced when it comes to ingredients, it’s the method you should keep close attention to. You want a moist, soft, wonderful carrot cake with a perfectly zesty frosting. Some add lime/lemon juice to the frosting to make it really sour, but I’m not doing that here.

Also, instead of one big cake, I’m making smaller portion sized loafs. The upsides are that they’re cute and keep fresh for longer. The downside is that they’re dry to begin with if you don’t pay close attention to the baking. Use a thermometer, don’t rely on cooking time. A big carrot cake might get dry in the edges but will keep moist in the middle. Portion sized cakes will be dry all way through in minutes!

For the cake, you need:

• 3 eggs
• 2 dl of sugar
• 1,5 dl of melted butter
• 3 dl of wheat flour
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla powder (or 1 teaspoon of powdered vanilla sugar)
• 1 tablespoon cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ginger template
• 1/2 teaspoon cloves
• Two large pinches of salt
• 1 dl cultivated buttermilk (fermented milk) that Americans call buttermilk in general. Or use kefir, filmjölk or even yoghurt.
• 2 medium-sized carrots (peeled & grated)

1. Whisk eggs and sugar until it’s all fluffy.
2. Now carefully pour in the melted butter and keep whisking. Careful now, you don’t want the oil to separate.
3. Mix all the dry ingredients and pour in half of it into the egg mixture, fold gently.
4. Add the buttermilk/yoghurt and gently whisk it down.
5. Peel and grate the carrots. Fold the peeled carrots into the mixture.
6. Grease moulds using cooking spray or simply butter.
7. Pour in the batter. About 1/3 up, it will rise.
8. Heat the oven to C 175 degrees.
9. Place a cooking thermometer into one of the cakes. When the internal temperature of the cake reaches 97 degrees, it’s done. Nobody likes dry sponge cake.
10. Let cool.

For the glazing, you need:

• 100 grams of room temperatured butter
• 150 grams of  cream cheese or mascarpone (it’s basically Italian cream cheese)
• 2 dl of powdered sugar
• Zest from 1 lime
• 1/2 teaspoon of pure vanilla powder or 1 teaspoon of vanilla sugar (with real vanilla in it, not the artificial vanillin one)

1. Mix all ingredients. Smear on the little loafs.
2. Want to make it look a little fancy? Add a little piece of lime. Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon on top. Oh, have you ever wondered why these little meaningless things are done? Apart from (sometimes) looking good, they are meant to show what’s inside. Say we’d flavour the cake with raspberries. Placing a raspberry on top would give the eater a heads up of what to expect.

That’s it. You’re good to go. This cake gives you a big pp.

This is a no bake cheesecake meaning you don’t need an oven for any part of it. It’s vanilla flavored cream cheese with cinnamon apples. Who could ever hate that, except lactose intolerant people?

For the apple filling

• 2 apples (I like one tart and one sweet, e.g one Granny Smith and one golden delicious)
• 90 g sugar
• 1 tsp of cinnamon powder
• 5 g of lemon juice
• Pinch of salt

1. Peal, pit and cut the apples into 2×2 cm  pieces
2. In a small saucepan, put the apples, sugar and lemon juice. And pinch of salt. Let it simmer for about 20 minutes until soft and brown.
3. Use a medium cookie cutter and press the apples into it. Place in freezer for it to firm up.

The cream cheese mix

• 5 g of gelatin sheet or granulated gelatin if you can’t get a hold of sheets
• 250 g cream cheese
• 45 g sugar 
• 2 g vanilla extract 
• 5 g lemon juice 
• 150 g whipped cream

1. Put the gelatin sheets in cold water and let soak for about 5 minutes. Remove sheets, press out the water using your hands and place sheets in a glass and microwave it for about 20 seconds until liquid
2. Whip the cream to fluffy but still liquid (if 0% is liquid cream and 100% makes butter, whip it to 50%)
3. If you used cream cheese, there’s usually salt in there. If you used Italian mascarpone, you should add a pinch factor salt now.
4. Mix the cream cheese and everything else including gelatin and whipped cream. Now you have your cream cheese mix and you’ll be using it in a moment.

Assemble the cheesecake

• 90 g speculoos cookies or Swedish pepparkakor/gingersnaps or whatever crisp cookies you have
• 35 g butter
• The block of cinnamon apples
• The cream cheese mix

Now…

1. Crush the cookies into fine crumbles
2. Melt the butter and mix it with the cookie crumbles
3. Use a large cookie cutter (large red than the one you used for the apples)
4. Pack the cookie mix in the Morton of the cookie cutter
5. Add a thin layer of cream cheese mix
6. Place the apple puck on top
7. Add the rest of the cream cheese mix and place the whole thing in the refrigerator for 2 hours until firm.
8. Remove the large cookie cutter and you have your cake.

Gnocchi is Italian potato pasta cut into little thumb-sized pieces. Depending on who you ask, you’ll get different answers on how much flour you should add. Some claim the major part should be potatoes. Others claim you should add more flour. Some add regular wheat flour. Others use durum wheat flour. Some add eggs others don’t. No different than food debates in general, and just like always, it’s a matter of taste. I don’t like soft mushy pasta hence I make my gnocchi with a lot of durum wheat flour and an egg.

In this recipe, I won’t even be using potatoes in the classic sense. I’ll be using sweet potatoes (which are actually a type of berries but let’s not get into botanic discussions now). They don’t have the starch regular potatoes do, so you really need to add a lot of flour to even keep the gnocchi together.

The sweet potato gnocchi

for several people depending on the hunger level but you can keep the dough, it just gets better

• A large sweet potato
• durum wheat flour
• 1 egg

1. Peel the sweet potato, cut into pieces to speed things up, and boil them in water (unsalted, because you’ll boil the finished gnocchi in salted water later)
2. When the sweet potato is really soft, drain it and put it into a stand mixer. Add an egg and about 300 grams of flour to begin with. Start kneading the dough using the dough hook. If you don’t have a stand mixer, use your hands. The sweet potatoes should be so soft, that it will just mush without any problems.
3. Here comes the thing… As long as it’s really soft and sticky, like a potato mash, you need to add flour. Keep adding flour. There’s lots of water in the boiled sweet potatoes, so you don’t need to add liquid.
4. Once you have an actual dough that comes together, you’re done. Cover it and let it rest for about an hour.
5. After an hour, take a piece of dough, make a long snake out of it, and cut it into thumb-sized gnocchi.

For the sauce (2 people)

• 3 salvia leaves
• 15 San Marzano cherry tomatoes (you can use other tomatoes, but these are really good for this type of stuff)
• 200 grams of bacon (pancetta? guanciale? Listen, we’re using bacon here. The dish is already de-italianfied so we might as well keep going)
• Maybe a pinch of salt at the very end (there are a lot of salty things being added along the way)
• Pinch of black pepper
• A drizzle of olive oil
• 1 garlic clove
• chili flakes
• Tomato paste

1. Cut the bacon into 3 cm pieces.
2. Fry the bacon into the fat has melted and the bacon is crispy. Put it on a piece of paper, but keep the fat in the pan. The bacon will crisp up when it cools a little, so don’t over-fry it. It should be dark, not black.
3. In the fat remaining in the pan, add chopped garlic, tomatoes cut in half, a pinch of chili flakes. Let it fry for a few minutes on medium-low heat until everything is soft.x
4. Now bring a large pot of water to a boil and add a lot of salt in it. Don’t be too careful with the salt, it’s a lot of water!
5. Boil the gnocchi for about 4 minutes, until soft but not too soft. Try one. Is it done all the way through? Then it’s done.
6. The frying pan with your tomatoes being all soft, is a little dry now. So add some of your gnocchi water. It’s salted and it has some starch in it. That’s good for flavor, and to make your sauce less dry while thickening it up at the same time. The Italians do it with most pasta sauces.
7. Now add gnocchi to your sauce and give it a good stir.
8. Onto a plate and drizzle a little olive oil on top. Now what? Where’s the bacon? It’s going on top of it!
9. Eat!

What are tacos? If a small soft tortilla filled with stuff is enough to call it a taco, this is it. It’s hipstery, it’s very Swedish (except cheese, but if you want to add some grated cheese you can and call it Swedish “svennetaco”). Anyway, it’s all made from scratch and it tastes great! Try it, but don’t tell a Mexican!

Prepare the soft tacos

• 300 grams of wheat flour
• 1 tbsp of salt
• 150 grams of water

1. Combine everything
2. Kneed the very soft dough on a floured bench. It should be very soft and sticky
3. Cover and let rest for 1 hour
4. Now cut small pieces, around 30 grams per piece
5. Make balls from the cut dough pieces
6. Roll the balls into flat tacos
7. Heat up a dry pan and fry the tacos on both sides until they have some color, it only takes a minute per side

Pickle the red onions

• 1 dl of sugar
• 2 red onions
• 1/2 tblsp of salt
• 1 dl of white wine vinegar
• 1 dl of water

1. Mix sugar, water, salt and vinegar
2. Chop onion thinly
3. Put it all into a jar. It’s best after at least 24 hours but ain’t nobody got time for that

Fry the meat

• 300 grams pf ground beef
• salt to taste
• black pepper to taste
• oilive oil

1. Olive oil in a pan on high heat
2. Fry the meat until it has a lot of color
3. Salt and pepper to taste
4. Yup that’s it

Make the guacamole

• 2 cloves of garlic
• 2 avocados
• 1 dl of sour cream
• Pinch of salt

1. Mash it all together
2. Now you have a “guacamole” that real Mexicans will laugh at but it’s really tasty!

Prepare a small tomato salad

• A pinch of chili flakes
• A lot of cilantro
• 250 grams of plum/cherry tomatoes
• salt to taste
• black pepper to taste
• Some olive oil

1. Cut the tomatoes in half
2. Finely chop the cilantro
3. Two punches of salt
4. Some black pepper
5. Drizzle some olive oil
6. Combine it all

Time for the serving

Well, just take a soft tortilla and add stuff into it!

Do you want to become Swedish? Then eating semla on the designated day (called fettisdagen) is a good start. It’s a cardamom bun filled with marzipan and topped with whipped cream and powdered sugar. There are several variations like chocolate semla or semla without cardamom, but true semla traditionalists do not recognize any such abominations. The name of the semla varies too. Semla, fastlagsbulle, fettisbulle. However, if you go to Finland and ask for a semla you’ll get a bread roll. In fact, to them, the only way to call the sweet thing is fastlagsbulle. It’s served with a cup of coffee or, in some cases, in a bowl with hot milk, called hetvägg. The bun gets all soggy and eventually dissolves and you eat the soggy mess with a spoon. Anyway, let’s make a semla now and you can choose how to eat it later.

How to make the bun

Yields 12 semlas

Ingredients for the semla buns

• 2 dl full milk
• 25 g of fresh yeast (or about 4 grams of instant dry yeast)
• 420 g of all purpose wheat flour (about 7 dl)
• An egg
• 1 tsp of salt
• 1 tbsp of crushed cardamom seeds (use a mortar, don’t buy them pulverized!)
• A lot of powdered sugar to sprinkle on top
• 100 g of room temperature butter
• 1 beaten egg and a pinch of salt for brushing
• 1 teaspoon of baking powder (just for that extra fluffiness)

Instructions

1. Firstly, dissolve the yeast in lukewarm milk
2. Combine all dry ingredients and sieve them
3. Now combine 1 and 2 and everything else in there except the egg for brushing
4. Kneed the dough in a stand mixer or by hand until it’s smooth. Don’t make it too dry. It whole be a little sticky, that’s goes for anything you ever bake!
5. Let proof for 30 minutes
6. Make buns on an oven sheet
7. Cover and let rise for 30 minutes. Afterwards, brush them with the egg and salt mix.
8. Set the oven to 200 degrees Celsius and bake the buns for about 10-12 minutes
9. Let cook a little

How to make the filling

Ingredients for the filling

• 1/2 dl of full fat milk
• 100 grams or almonds
• 40 grams of powdered sugar

Instructions

1. Mix milk, sugar and almonds in a food processor until smooth but not too smooth, I like some pieces of almond in there!
2. Let it rest in the refrigerator to firm up a little.

Finally, create the semla

• 2 dl full fat whipping cream
• A lot of powdered sugar
• A lot of marzipan like mix (the one you just made)
• Buns (that you just made, right?)

1. Whip the cream
2. Cut off the top of a bun like a little hat
3. Scoop out some of the interior to leave room for the almond paste. According to some Swedish recipes, you’re supposed to mix that scooped out bread with the almond paste before returning it. I don’t, I just add the almond paste into the hole.
4. Whippee cream
5. And add the little hat you cut out earlier on top of your creation
6. Sprinkle with a lot of powdered sugar
7. Done!

I love pasta and noodles. Ramen, udon, soba, spaghetti, penne, łazanki, no matter the shape or flour used, I absolutely love boiled dough with tasty soups and sauces. But what do you do when you want soba but have no buckwheat flour? What do you do if you want pasta al pomodoro but you have no tomatoes? Well, you’re usually screwed. But there are cases where you can figure out the bare minimum of ingredients and replacements to still be able to call a dish that dish.

It might be hard to agree on what the bare minimum is though. Does pizza need to be round? No, there are square pizzas. Does it have to have cheese on it? No, the pizza marinara from Napoli has no cheese on it. Does the bread need to be from wheat flour? I’ve had pizzas made with cauliflower crusts. You get my point, it’s tricky to define a dish unless you’re extremely traditional both when it comes to ingredients and presentation. That being said, I’m making udon noodles now without using any special ingredients. You’ll find it all in any western grocery store.

Udon noodles for 1 hungry person

• 100 grams of all purpose wheat flour
• 5 grams of salt
• 45 grams of water

1. Dissolve the salt in water
2. Mix flour with the salted water
3. When you have a ball of dough, put it in a thick plastic baggie, wrap the baggie in a cloth and stomp on it. Yup, your whole body weight should kneed that dough for at least 20 minutes. The gluten will develop, the whole thing will be elastic like plastic, just perfect!
4. Leave the dough to rest for 1 hour
   
5. Roll out the dough, then fold it into a square and roll out that square until it’s a large thick sheet of dough. Flour it and fold it and cut into long thick udon noodles.
   
   
6. When it’s time to boil the noodles, bring a lot of water to a boil (don’t salt it!) and boil noodles for about 10 minutes. But careful, don’t boil it for too long. Try it after 3 minutes. It should be just cooked, no “dry core”.
7. Wash them in cold water.

For the soup

• 1 garlic clove
• 1 vegetable cube stock
• A fish or beef cube stock (fish is better if you want the feeling of udon broth), or just another vegetarian stock if you want it all vegetarian.
• 1/2 onion
• 1/2 teaspoon of sugar (instead of sweet Japanese wine)
• 3 mushroom (instead of shiitake, just button mushrooms)
• 1 shitty carrot
• 2 litres of water
• 1 tbsp vegetable oil
• 5 tbsp of light soy sauce
• (Bonus: Kombu. You’ll find it in asian stores, it’s dried kelp and it really gives a deep umami sea flavour, and gives it a really genuine Japanese flavour. But if you have none of this, just ignore it)

1. Basically, chop everything up that can be chopped, and fry it in a little oil in a large saucepan, and then add water and stock cubes
2. Boil until half the liquid has evaporated
3. (If you have kombu, add one piece now and let it simmer 15 minutes and then remove it)
4. Sieve it all back into the large saucepan
5. Add sugar and soy sauce.

For the tempura

• 2 dl flour plus some more in a bowl on the side
• 4 dl water
• 10 ice cubes
• A lot of frying oil
• Any vegetables (e.g. carrot, bell pepper, aubergine)

1. Heat up a lot of oil in a saucepan until 170 degrees celsius
2. Mix the 2 dl of flour with the water into a light, watery battery.
3. Add the ice cubes to keep it cold.
4. Cut the vegetables into nice bite sized pieces
5. First cover the vegetables in flour…
6. … Then dip them into the batter.
7. Fry in the hot oil until light golden coloured. Very light.
   

Serve

1. Pour hot soup over the cooled noodles
2. Make a dipping sauce of equal parts light soy sauce+sugar+vinegar
3. Serve with freshly fried tempura

Who doesn’t like steak tartare? A lot of people don’t. But there are many of us who do, given that it’s fresh. There’s nothing worse than a questionable presentation of steak tartar. You know, the meat is raw, it better look fresh! Anyway, where does the name come from? According to Wikipedia “The idea of eating raw meat was first noted in Slavic regions. The first reference (to tartar steak) in fact seems to come from America in 1889.In the early twentieth century what is now generally known as “steak tartare” was called steack à l’Américaine.”. However, all these claims lack sources, which Wikipedia warns you about. So I’m not sure about any of this. The story I’ve heard, which does have reliable sources, is that the name is a shortening of the French original “à la tartare“, literally meaning “served with tartar sauce”, a dish popular in the 19th and early 20th centuries.

Anyway, there are different variations of the dish. In Sweden, it’s sometimes served as a small pre-dish (called entrée in French, but entrée mean main dish in American English, which is confusing but never mind that for now). Sometimes, it’s served as a main dish with fries. Yup, large steak tartar with fries on the side isn’t uncommon in Sweden. The toppings vary depending on country and can vary within a country too. I’ll make a main dish steak tartar with fries and traditional Swedish steak tartar toppings on the side, commonly served in Swedish restaurants, rather than mixed into the meat.

For the fries you need (per person)

• 1 large potato (Use a variety that isn’t too moist, e.g. piper)
• Salt
• 1 tablespoon of potato starch
• A lot of frying oil
• A saucepan (unless you have a deep fryer but who does?)

1. We’re making fast-food style fries this time, peeled, thin and crispy. So peel the potato and cut it into thin strips.
2. Wash them in cold water until the water is no longer milky.
3. Pat the strips dry using a tea towel.
4. Heat up the oil to 150 degrees and fry the strips for 2 minutes. Take them out and pat them dry again.
5. Coat them in potato starch
6. Cool the fries down in the freezer, preferably over night but at least for 1 hour.
7. Raise the oil temperature to 170 degrees.
8. Fry the frozen fries until they’re golden brown and crispy.
9. Salt to taste

For the steak tartare you need (per person)

• 200 grams of filet of beef (tenderloin in American English)
• 1 tablespoon of salt brined capers (the salty ones)
• 1 tablespoon of pickles (sweet and acidic if you can find that variety)
• 1/2 red beet
• A teaspoon of french mustard
• A handful of fresh parsley
• 1 egg
• 1/2 small red onion
• Black pepper

1. Traditionally, you “shave” the meat of wit ha sharp knife, creating a really tender product. Almost like a “meat mousse”. But ain’t nobody have time for that. Instead, finely chop the mead. Don’t grind it, you want a nice finely chopped texture, in my opinion. So, finely chop it, and then keep chopping it, like you would with a herb.
2. Use a large cookie cutter to make a perfect patty by pressing the meat into it.
3. Boil a red beet. Then peel it, and cut into fine cubes.
4. Finely chop the onion
5. Finely chop the pickles.
6. Serve with freshly cracked black pepper, chopped parsley, capers, finely chopped pickles, red beets, mustard, and an egg yolk on top. Your guest can mix it all any way they want.

Duck à l’orange. The French have figured out how brilliant the combination is, the Chinese have realized, and the rest of the world should realize if they haven’t yet. Sweet, sour, tangy, savory, amazing duck à l’orange. Here’s a wonderful recipe that you’ll absolutely love!

Prepare the pearl barley

Pearl barley isn’t very popular around here, but the poles eat it a lot. It’s absolutely lovely, like a mix between semolina, bulgur and rice.

• Olive oil
• 1 dl of pearl barley
• 1 onion
• Chicken stock (either in a cube or in liquid form)
• Less than a gram of saffron, your scale might not even detect it, so just… the tip of your nail.

1. In a saucepan, drizzle some oil and set on medium heat.
2. Finely chop the onion and fry until soft.
3. Add the pearl barley
4. And about 4 dl of chicken stock (or a chicken stock cube and 4 dl of water)
5. If you have full stigmas and styles of saffron, use a mortar to crush them. If it’s already in the form of a powder, then no need to. Add into the saucepan.
6. Cover and let cook for about 20 minutes. If there’s already sodium in your chicken stock, no need to add more salt.

Prepare the duck à l’orange

• A large duck breast with the thick fat skin intact
• 1 large orange
• 1 tablespoon of sugar
• 1 tablespoon of vinegar (I use balsamic vinegar which gives a darker sauce and a wonderful flavor to it)

1. Heat up a pan on medium low
2. Put the duck breast in there, skin down. You could make cuts along the skin to crisp it up a little, but it’s not mandatory.
3. Let it slowly fry until the fat melts into the pan
4. Turn it around, and fry the meaty side too.
5. Wipe off the skin, so it’s dry (more crispy)
6. Pop into the oven, preferably with a thermometer shoved into the duck. When the interior temperature is 62°C, it’s perfect in my opinion.
7. Set aside the duck. There’ a lot of fat in the pan now, you could use some of it for another time, it makes great fat for frying potatoes in. Or just make sauce out of it all, who cares about calories?
8. Grate off some zest from about 1/4 of the orange, and set aside for now.
9. Cut the orange open and squeeze all the juice into the pan.
10. Add vinegar.
11. Add sugar, and let it melt. It will all bubble as the liquid evaporates and the sugar caramelizes. Don’t burn it! Just let it thicken up a little.
12. Finish off by adding the zest, and your sauce is done. Set aside in a sauce cup or whatever container you have.

Serving

• Your perfectly fried duck à l’orange
• Some orange liqueur (optional)
• Salt
• Black pepper
• Saffron pearl barley
• The sauce
• Some butter

1. In a pan, melt some butter
2. Dry off the duck skin again and fry skin down to give it that last touch of crispness.
3. Add some liqueur and set on fire!
4. Cut into thin slices.
5. Serve with the pearl barley
6. Add some salt and pepper to the slices of duck.
7. Some sauce to top it of.
8. Done!